Obnoxiously Slow Rolling Pokeballs

Well. It's been a while. Anyways, I hate pokeballs. They almost never catch legendaries for no reason. Ever! What's the difference between Timer Ball number 17 and Timer Ball number 24??? NONE. The absolute worst is however when it rolls 3 times, you think you have it, the game makes you think you have it and... POP. I'ma piss on ur face! You tried to stick me in a tiny living space. You trashy IRS person you. How dare you. How dare you. Pokeballs suck.

Nick

ps: pumped for summer when i actually have time to buy/play pokemon black and or white :D

:) Untoastification Process COMPLETE

Nick got untoastified. Yes. Thats a word. YES IT IS!!! Fool I will argue with you. I will. Don't judge me!!!!!!
So anyways... awkward. After my one person rant there wanna hear how I got untoastified? Well... I beat the Elite 4/5, Round 2! BOOM. Wanna know how? LUCK.

Will- hahahahahhahahah joke. but actually. can you say umbreon and like ampharos for 3 seconds? yes. victorious victory

Koga- annoying. his muk survived a kadabra psychic barely... then he annoyed the living crap out of my umbreon with toxic, minimize, SOME ATTACK THAT ESCAPES ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!? and swagger. thank god for swagger. raised my attack power by like 4 and i finally hit with a last resort move called... last resort :P. hehehe im silly. victory nontheless

Bruno- annoying as crap. YES CRAP IS ANNOYING THANK YOU VERY MUCH. swept with pidgeot surprisingly until his machamp-o-death. seeeeeya opportunity to win. i weakened it until i could kill it with a psychic from kadabra :). cheap victory

Karen- surprisingly easy. except for umbreon which nearly swept me. oh goodness. i won with a critical hit signal beam with like 4 health. goodness me oh my.

Lance- HARDER THAN THE HARDEST THING YOU CAN THINK OF EXCEPT FOR MAYBE DIAMONDS (yes the rock. yes that was VERY off topic) AND OR RED THE TRAINER BECAUSE THEY CANNOT BE BEATEN. my goodness. who starts with a level 72 SALAMANCE?????? Lance does. The ONLY reason I won was because I quick clawed it with an ice fang and it critical hit him. HAHAHAHAH. sucks for YOU! everything else was fairly doable except for the dragonites-o-dooom. not doom. dooom. dooom has 3 os in it and therefore is CLEARLY better. and scarier. BAH! scared you didnt i. no!? well then... awkward. so anywhos the dragonites gave me a run for my money... literally. i used like 4 revives at least. then i won because he got the unluckiest string of "im paralyzed for 4 turns in a row then i missed with hyper beam". VICTORIOUS NICK!!!

oh! then professor elm comes out and is like "well done. time to beat ME!!!!!!!" 3 pokemon, all starters fully evolved, level 80. harder than crap... hahaha just kidding. i would have literally puked, turned off the game, turned it back on to find elm proceed to slap him repeatedly and yell and cry. then no longer play heartgold. except NOT. aaah. im really tired right now. i just got over sickness so im DEMENTED. no medicine though... anyways, i beat the elite 4/5 (already told you that rant) and gained several level ups in the process. now proceeding to beating them again with hopefully less trouble until i can easily beat them and maybe someday be able to compete with red and or defeat him... ill post something soon about how i need a makeover pokemon style to do this :) hint. it involves the worlds weirdest safari zone ever

Nick

PS: you like how i started off gramatically correct then proceded to say "NOPE" to grammar? yes. yes you did.

PS 2: i like how i ended this post with something for yall to look forward too

PS 3: did i just compliment myself? yes

PS 4: i just used "yall" in a sentence... victory

PS 5: super potions rock socks hardcore

Toast

I'm toast. Just totally toast. Burnt toast actually. Lack of butter. Not melted. Or spread. TOAST.
Wanna know why Nick is toast? Because Nick beat the 8 gyms of Kanto without realizing that after that the Elite Four becomes ridiculoussauce. The WEAKEST of the Elite Four is lvl 60. My strongest is 56. The STRONGEST of the Elite Four is 75. 75-56=19. I'm toast. TOAST. TOASTED TOAST!!!! Grr. Where do I train to make them better? I don't know. Maaaaybe beat the Gym Leaders again but that requires effort and time. Neither I have. PS. Just realized I raised a team who cannot physically possibly beat Red. Pikachu? My answer is Feraligatr with Earthquake... Problem? YUP! Snorlax? Feraligatr with Superpower. Venasaur? Feraligatr with Ice Fang. Charizard? Feraligatr with Surf. Lapras? Ampharos with Thunder (hahaha I had you thinking my Feraligatr had to sweep. I'm so silly). Blastoise? Ampharos. So basically if either one dies im HOSED. My other 4 are Arcanine (who could potentially beat Venasaur), Pidgeot, Umbreon and Alakazam. NICK IS TOASTTOASTEDBYTOASTERSTRUDEL. Ugggghhhhh. Crap.

Nick who is toast. In case I didn't mention before

Pokewalking and HeartGold

oh goodness lets begin at the elite 4. will-joke. koga-big joke. bruno-annoying. karen-hard. lance-semi impossible. WHAT DRAGONITE KNOWS THUNDER????? seeya feraligatr using nothing but ice fang to sweep him. woops. so much for that plan. oh well. and his pokemon somehow got leveled up since the last games. but like 2 but still. just more training for nick. oh goodness. started off w the always trusty ampharos quick claw combo which usually works :). then immediatly switched to feraligatr quick claw combo. somehow i got another one from a wild sandslash????? can you say LUCKY? on top of THOSE shenanigans i got about 4 critical hits leading to a quick sweep of luckiness. huzzah huzzah. and huzzah. i had to use ho-oh on the dragonite that knew thunder however because feraligatr couldnt handle that attack... for good reason. ho oh surprisingly did well even though it was a horrible type matchup. oh well. im just glad i won and survived. now on to bigger and better things like kanto! btw, the gym leaders are even harder in kanto for some reason. and red will kill my face. just not even possible. really. pokewalking is more fun now that i have the national dex because it unlocked 3 new places because i have a good amount of watts collected from massive walkatopia. anyways, heartgold rocks and you should get it.

Nick

ps. shoddy still rocks. socks.

Shoddy Battling!

OMG Shoddy is so good. I was afraid it was gonna wreck my computer but it didnt and it ROCKS! You can pick ANY pokemon and they start off lvl 100, you can pick any moves for all the pokemon (that they can physically learn whether that be by breeding, move tutors, or naturally) and you fight real people so you get a real challenge. As of right now my record is 3-1... ok one of those wins was by forfeit because his computer tweaked out but whatevs. VICTORY NONETHELESS! I have a team of complete defensive ridiculousness which is Swampert, Umbreon, Shuckle, Heatran, Dragonite (ok i needed some offense) and Forretress. How are you supposed to beat that? I don't know. That's why I made it. Metagross and Tyranitar came in close to making the team as well as Blissey but I like this team. So I'ma go play some more and you should too. We have a post on the side of the page if you wanna go to the website and play. I have another team too which I'll post later w moves and stuff but yeah. Super fun and you should play it!

Nick

Contest Victories

Finally! An article not about frustration! So basically Sullivan and I (after our Feebas adventures) decided hey, might as well make Umbreon a Contest pokemon because three of its moves were smart. Faint Attack (3 appeal, works well if used first), Confuse Ray (3 appeal, scrambles order), Screech (1 appeal, 3 jam, badly jams pokemon who have already appealed) and Double Edge (Tough move, 6 appeal, startled easier later...). So yeah. After overdosing on green Pokeblocks, I always got a crap load of first round appeal points :) so yeah. Then during contests I always breezed through everyone... until the Master Rank. My first Master Rank Smart Contest I lost barely to a Sableye... who had my exact moveset. Well it seemed like it because it knew both Faint Attack and Confuse Ray. Weeeeird. Anyways, I won my second by literally the SMALLEST margin of victory ever. I won by a speck. Like I couldn't have made it any closer it was that ridiculous. Goodness. I got really lucky too because my last appeal move was Faint Attack, I went first, and it got the crowd going. So basically I got 12 hearts for that. Hell yes. So yeah. VICTORY IS MINE! Only thing I'm still interested in regarding contests are move combos like Agility and Swift. Agility makes it so you move first the next round and Swift works better if you move first. They are both cool moves by the way. So yeah... VICTORY IS MINE!

Nick... who doesn't really have anything to post as a PS yet... OH!

PS: My Milotic is wonderful :P. It's level 51 right now and I already have it's final moveset done. Surf, Ice Beam, Recover and Attract. Can you say WONDERFULTASTICSAUCENESS!?

Shenaniganizing Prioritizing

The Quest of Frustration and Holiness: aka Feebas Hunting

Welcome, welcome to the single most frustrating Pokemon experience of alltime.

(Nick as a Pokemon game designer) "hey, let's go piss off some 7 year olds by making one of the best pokemon ever impossible to catch!"
(Nick as the responding team members) "YEAH!"
(Nick as a Pokemon game designer) "so heres the plan. lets make a route filled with over 400 spaces of water tiles and make it so the only way to get part 1 of the best pokemon ever is to fish with a super rod which you can only get after the sixth gym!!! on top of that lets make it so only 6 spots have the crappiest pokemon disguised as the baby form of the best pokemon ever to walk the face of the earth... no not a magikarp john we already discussed that. sheesh. im talking about a Feebas! why bother catching one even though its only move is splash? and that it takes minimum 6 hours to catch one? and then another several hours to figure out how to make the right pokeblocks and make sure the lvl is low enough to where it can learn good moves by breeding then getting the right berry mixtures and hope computers are good at pokeblending to make a good pokeblock to eventually feed like 15 to to hopefully evolve it???????????????? well i'll tell you. it well eventually evolve into a milotic! sound good!?"
(Nick as the responding team members) "YEAH!"
(Nick as a 7 year old who loves Pokemon) "NO! I dont care how good that is there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks (because i didnt swear as a 7 year old :P ) ima spend 10 hours trying to evolve a goldfish-on-crack-type-pokemon!!!!!!!!"
(Nick as a 17 year old... who still loves Pokemon) "ok. might as well. ive done everything else there is to do in ur game... with the exception of beating the entire battle fronteir... twice"

10-15 hours later, Nick and Sullivan devised a brilliant plan of Feebas hunting zed Feebas, successfully found zed Feebas, breeded zed Feebas, made enough Pokeblocks after hours of research for zed Feebas, evolved zed Feebas, and are now training zed evolved Feebas turn into the most dangerous thing to ever walk/slither the earth/water since Chuck Norris.
Now you may ask "why Nick and Sullivan did you ever make the title shenaniganizing prioritizing?"
Nick and Sullivan respond "because it (Feebas hunting/training/breeding/pokeblocking/frustrationizing) took priority over raising Nick's Espeon, Umbreon, training my entire team 2 more lvls, tutoring my Salamance and Swampert Rock Slide and Counter, respectively, and overall Battle Fronteiring. So that's why."

Love, Sullivan and a Nick who hopefully thinks whoever hopefully reads these articles enjoys his twisted since of humor and limited PokeKnowledge :)

PS: Ima thinkin it's moveset is gonna be Surf/Hydro Pump (havnt deciced), Ice Beam, Recover and Attract. Any other suggestions?

PS#2: I like how I usually end my posts with PS's... generally several of them

PS#3: Did I just give myself a compliment?

PS#4: Yes. Yes I did.